Birthday Mischief
by A. Windsor
Summary: It's Arizona's birthday, and the kids just don't understand her aversion to the holiday. Thing!verse  October 2022


Title: Birthday Mischief

Author: A. Windsor

Pairing/Characters: Callie/Arizona

Rating: PGish. A bit of innuendo here and there.

Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. My one and a half years of law school could allow me to legalese this a little more, but it also tells me it's pretty useless. So please don't sue; it's not mine, I'm just playing!

Series: Thing!verse

Summary: It's Arizona's birthday, and the kids just don't understand her aversion to the holiday. [October 2022]

Author's Note: This was written to celebrate the birth of my weirdy, reindeer-panda beta roughian. Said weirdy reindeer-panda's birthday was in January, and she has been amazingly patient while I fill her awesome prompt. Happy birthday, bro! Also, the title was provided by the also awesome brckbybrck.

* * *

><p>"But it's a birthday!" six-year-old Lena exclaims with a horrified gasp.<p>

Callie stifles a laugh and tugs on Lena's pigtail.

"Momma doesn't like birthdays, mi amor."

"But... presents! And parties!"

"And cake," Caroline speaks up from her madre's lap, tapping the table thoughtfully with the end of her crayon. "How can I draw a balloon?"

"Make a circle, m'ija," Callie instructs, combing a hand through the three-year-old's loose locks. "And then give it a string."

"We gotta do more than the cards, Mami," Lena insists from her chair next to her.

They're all seated at the low table in the playroom, a vast array of crafts stretched out before them as they make Momma's birthday cards. Teo's baby monitor sits on the end of the table, so far nice and quiet.

"But she doesn't want that, Leni."

Lena makes a face that says her mother's wants and desires are low on her priority list, since _no one_ could _actually_ not want a huge birthday.

* * *

><p>Arizona just really honestly doesn't like birthdays, and the older she gets, the less she likes them. Since the surprise party fiasco, Callie has been pretty good at respecting her feelings, supplying sweet, thoughtful, but not over-the-top, gifts and amazing birthday sex and having that be the end of it. As the kids have gotten older and understood more, she's dutifully sat through a few rounds of "The Birthday Song" and worn the funny hat, and opened their presents, and let them blow out the candles on the cake, and that's been the end of it. Asa and Lena, though, are starting to understand more, and the pestering has started in earnest.<p>

"Momma, what do you want for your birthday?"

"Just some snuggles," Arizona answers her eldest, glancing in the rear view mirror to see his face scrunched in concentration.

"Momma.. Be serious," the nine-year-old complains.

Arizona laughs. "Asa, I am being serious."

"Snuggles aren't special."

"Snuggles are always special."

"Something _better_," Asa tries again.

"There is nothing better than snuggles, Ace."

Asa sighs heavily, and Arizona bites back another laugh.

"Birthdays aren't as fun for moms," she tries to reason.

"We're trying to make it fun!" Asa exclaims.

"I know, but all I really want is some time with my kids."

"And Mami."

"_Of course_. "I don't want anything. Except maybe a beach day, but that's hard to come by this time of year, let alone in Seattle."

"Okay. Fine," Asa gives in, clearly pretending to drop the subject, that big brain of his spinning a mile a minute. "Do you think hermanito misses me?"

"It's been his nap time the entire time we have been at the grocery store."

"Still, if he woke up..."

Arizona doesn't have the heart to tell him that Mateo, at only six months old, will only want formula and a diaper change when he wakes up. The two _are _exceptionally bonded already, though, so maybe he is right.

"We'll get your home to Teo soon, bubba."

* * *

><p>Her goddaughter is way too smart for her own good.<p>

"Aunt Teddy, I gotta make a surprise for Momma."

"Lena, your mother hates surprises. Did you get permission to use your madre's phone, baby girl?"

Lena ignores the question and presses on.

"Can you take me to the store tomorrow?"

"I can't take you out of school, baby," Teddy says, keeping one eye on the recently crawling Nicky on the play mat in the middle of her living room.

Lena sighs. "Yes, ma'am. Well, can you buy me something? For Momma's birthday."

"Maybe. What is it?"

* * *

><p>"She's gonna get it."<p>

"Good. Now put it back before Mami catches us."

"She's not gonna catch us."

"If she does, _soy _el bobo que va a pasar tiempo en Time Out." [_I'm _the fool that is going to spend time in Time Out.]

Lena grins.

"She won't."

* * *

><p>"Hey. You wanna tell me where my kids are?" Callie demands over the phone.<p>

"Just come home," Teddy assures her, phone in the crook of her neck, Nicky on her hip, rocking Teo's car seat with her foot. Behind her, she hears Matt helping Asa and Lena drag the main attraction in from the garage. "And bring some margarita mix, okay?"

She does a quick count and then quick, fruitless Caroline scan. She silently curses.

"Margaritas? Teddy, we're not having a party. I don't care how much Lena whines; Arizona _hates_ birthday parties."

"We're not having a party," Teddy promises. "Just bring it. See you in half an hour."

She hangs up before Callie can give further objection.

"Caroline!" she calls, giving her seven-month-old son a curious look. "Nicky, where did she run off to?"

Teddy checks to see Teo finally dozing, so she sets the carseat next to the couch where they can still keep an eye on him, but he won't be jostled by the commotion.

"Matt, I have to go find Cari. Will you listen out for Teo?"

Her husband nods and then quickly swivels to make sure his large load avoids the kitchen counter.

"Lena, lift it up over the door frame, kiddo," he calls as Teddy disappears down the hall towards the playroom.

She's almost to the room when a crash behind her draws her attention away. It's coming from the master bedroom, so she makes sure she's got a good grip on her son before sprinting into her friends' bedroom.

"Caroline?" she asks, breathless. "Are you okay, sweetie?"

"She needs a book," the three-and-a-half-year-old insists, oblivious to the mess around her. The best Teddy can make out, Caroline knocked down a precarious pile of novels on her quest, and now the toddler stands with one book clutched tightly in her hands, about two dozen others at her feet.

"Momma always has a book," she reiterates.

"Okay... You should've asked for help."

The girl shrugs, tossing her dark bangs out of her eyes.

"Did anything fall on you?"

Cari shakes her head negatively, and Teddy sighs.

"Okay, well, we'll clean this up later. Run and help Lena and Asa. Mami'll be here soon."

* * *

><p>"Hi Miss Karen."<p>

"Hey Dr. Robbins. I hear it's a big day."

Arizona gives her usual fake birthday smile and asks: "Did Cari rat me out?"

"She mentioned it once or twice. When she talked," Karen laughs.

"Alright, well, round them up. I've gotta get them home for cake."

"They're not here."

"What? It was my day. Did Callie come and get them?"

"Nope. Dr. Altman, around three or so. I think she said they were going to get Lena and Asa next."

Karen looks like her knows something, and Arizona eyes her suspiciously. This sounds like birthday shenanigans, and she doesn't like it.

"Don't give me that look. She's on the list!" Karen grins wickedly.

Arizona sighs, feeling the headache already coming on.

"Okay, Karen. See you tomorrow."

"Happy birthday, Dr. Robbins!"

* * *

><p>"Oh my god, Teddy," Callie marvels, looking around her living room, baby Teo on her hip. "This is..."<p>

"All Asa's and Lena's idea. And all Matt's hard work. I just organized," Teddy demurs. Outside, she can hear Matt trying to soothe fussy little Nicky.

"It looks great. I'm sending you the bill for new floors if this all goes horribly wrong, though," Callie teases, dropping a kiss to Teo's head as she surveys the surprise, absently disentangling his fingers from the v-neck of her shirt when he tugs too hard.

"I think you can handle it, Torres," Teddy deadpans back. "I really should get going, though. Nicky's starving, and I think Matt is, too."

Callie laughs.

"Lena-nena, ven aquí. Tu madrina se va," she calls for her older daughter. [Lena-baby, come here. Your godmama is going.]

Lena comes bounding into the kitchen, throwing her arms around Teddy's waist.

"Bye, Aunt Teddy. Thanks soooo much," the six-year-old says sweetly, raising her face up for a goodbye kiss.

Teddy smoothes the wild curls from her goddaughter's face and brushing a kiss against her forehead.

"You're very welcome. I hope your momma likes her surprise."

Lena makes a face. "She doesn't like surprises."

"But I think she'll love this one," Callie promises with a warm grin, attention drifting over Teddy's shoulder. "Caroline Grace, baja, ahora. Ya sabes." [Get down, now. You know better.]

Nicky's cries outside have turned into full blown wails.

"I really have to go, Leni. Call me tonight to tell me how it goes, okay?"

"Yes, ma'am!" Lena beams.

* * *

><p>Arizona drives home with a resigned determination to pretend to enjoy whatever well-intentioned but misguided surprise Teddy (and probably her children) have cooked up. There are no cars parked up and down the street, which she takes as a good sign; following that first disaster of a surprise party, of course, she doesn't think Callie will ever allow another. She rolls her neck as she pulls into the driveway, trying valiantly to banish the stress headache that is threatening to take hold.<p>

Just one, quiet, relaxing birthday: that's all that she wants.

The sight that greets her in the garage in equal parts soothes her soul and grows the pit in her stomach. Her whole family is waiting for her. Lena fidgets and prods and annoys Asa, who alternates between taking it and giving her gentle, discreet shoves to leave him alone. Caroline stands in front of Callie, head tilted up to say something, a few construction paper birthday cards clutched in her hand. Her gorgeous wife stands grinning, their youngest happily seated in her arms. They're beautiful and perfect, and it feels so good to be home.

They're also all looking especially mischievous, even wide-eyed little Teo, whose gaze darts from madre to siblings and back again.

She pulls in her side of the garage and is greeted with a Caroline to the knees before she can even come around the front of her car.

"Happy birthday, Momma," she says happily as Arizona lifts her onto her hip.

"Thank you, baby girl," Arizona answers, the smile gracing her face not the slightest bit forced. Her mini-Calliope often brings such a grin to her face.

Asa and Lena soon join her, a brief dog pile of laughs and birthday wishes. When Arizona breaks free, keeping Caroline in her arms as long as she'll allow, she meets Callie with a warm kiss.

"Hi," Callie smiles. "Happy birthday. Again."

Arizona grins unwillingly, remembering her mid-morning, on-call room birthday present. Definitely the highlight of her day.

"Thanks. Again."

"Momma, you gotta come inside," Lena says insistently, heading to the door.

Caroline squirms to be set down to join her, and Arizona obliges, then turning to steal her youngest, blowing raspberries on Teo's soft neck and getting a belly laugh for her trouble.

"Why don't you three go on in and get ready, Leni," Callie suggests. "We'll meet you in there."

"They just wanna kiss more," nine-year-old Asa sighs, escorting his sisters inside with a roll of his eyes.

"It's my birthday, Ace. I get to do what I want," Arizona yells after him, earning a laugh from her wife.

"Is that so?" Callie asks.

"That's what you said this morning."

Callie kisses her again, hand playfully covering Teo's eyes. The infant grunts his annoyance with the gesture.

"Okay, so there is a surprise inside for you."

"I figured as much when I found out Teddy kidnapped our children this afternoon."

"It was only mild kidnapping," Callie promises. "They worked really hard on it, though. And they're pretty amazing. I think you're actually going to like this one."

"We'll see," Arizona sighs.

"Give me the baby and close your eyes," Callie instructs, holding her arms out for wriggly Teo and his dancing feet.

"Fine," Arizona sighs, planting one more kiss on Teo's cheek and returning him to his madre. "There you go, Tiny Dancer."

"Stop calling him that."

"Nope."

* * *

><p>"Oh my god, guys. What did you do?"<p>

"Gosh," Caroline automatically corrects.

Asa just grins sheepishly, clearly embarrassed by his own sweetness. Lena, on the other hand, steps forward to take full credit.

"We made you a beach!" she cries, spreading her arms wide, as if to Vanna White the display behind her.

And made her a beach they have. Both of the family's hard plastic baby pools have been transferred into the living room, one full of water, the other full of playground sand. A beach chair sits on the sand, a beach towel and paperback novel on its seat. Miscellaneous sand toys encircle it, and the floor lamp has been brought close to mimic the sun. In the "ocean", a mix of rubber ducks and inflatable pool toys bob happily.

"Do you like it?" Lena demands. "Acer said you wanted a beach day, so I said, _let's make a beach_. Uncle Matt helped, cause sand is heavy."

Arizona can't form words, merely squatting to Lena's level and pulling her into a warm hug. Lena giggles as Arizona beckons Asa over, too, making it a group hug.

"We're gonna have a picnic," Asa says, voice muffled by his momma's shoulder, gesturing to the plates of hot dogs and burgers set up on a blanket spread across the living room floor. "Then you can have a nice beach day while we go watch a movie in our playroom."

"And Mami's present is that she's going to clean all of this up when we're done," Callie speaks up before her wife's neat-freak ways can stress her out too much.

"Oh, I love it so much. Thank you," Arizona says, feeling herself get a little teary. She kisses Asa's and Lena's cheeks before letting them go and searching for her Thing Three. She's hanging back, still clutching her cards. Arizona snatches her up, and Cari giggles.

"I got you your book," Caroline tells her seriously.

"Oh thank you."

"And we made you cards," she says, handing them over.

Arizona shifts all of Caroline's weight into one arm as she takes the cards.

"Well, let's sit at our picnic and read them, okay? Is there birthday cake at this picnic?"

"Maybe..." Callie teases.

"Calliope, don't be mean."

"'Course there's cake, Momma," Asa laughs, throwing himself to the ground, carelessly cross-legged, before looking up at his madre. "Mami, can I hold Teo, please?"

"You have to eat dinner."

"I will. Please?"

Callie gives in, helping Asa put Teo in his lap while the girls clamber to sit next to the guest of honor.

"Okay, chicas. Déjale cenar." [Let her eat.]

* * *

><p>Arizona has her feet in the somewhat warm sand, the Beach Boys playing low on the stereo, and a pulpy novel in hand. It's not quite the beach, but given the love poured into preparing it, it might be even better.<p>

Callie bundled the kids up to bed forty-five minutes ago, after a great picnic and even better birthday cake, and Arizona listens extra hard and realizes Callie worked her madre magic and already has them all quieted down for the night, even with the excitement.

Arizona hears Callie coming down the stairs and asks, eyes still glued on the book in her hands:

"Everyone asleep?"

"More or less. Asa was pretending he wasn't tired, but he's almost there."

"Like usual."

"Mhmm. So what do you think, babe? Good birthday?" Callie asks.

"Best birthday ev-" Arizona pauses, looking up from her book and finally catching sight of her wife. She swallows. "Oh, yeah. Best birthday _ever_."

Callie grins as she slinks over, clad only in a black swimsuit, and Arizona drops her book to the sand.

"_Ever_."

* * *

><p>el fin<p> 


End file.
